| FIVE
1. you really have no idea how much i look up to you. i rarely see you, and yet i feel like we are so close. i am so comfortable around you even though we just became friends, and thats weird for me because i have trouble opening up to people. you make me laugh... at everything... even at myself. and i feel like youve changed me a little bit for the better this year. because of that, over the next year or so, i can't wait to see how things work out. im just happy to have met you and to have you in my life.
2. you dont even realize how important you are to me. without you... sports teams, ridiculous coaches, and classes would be so boring. you have helped to make these first two years of highschool unforgettable in so many ways. you make me laugh constantly and i know that through thick and thin we will be there for each other to support each other in every soccer game, dance recital, or horrible highschool test. we may not title each other best friends in our profiles or in every conversation, but i know its true for me, and i hope its true for you too. 3. for some reason i feel like things will never be the same between us. i want them to be. i pretend they are. but they just arent. im afraid our friendship never be the same and that scares me... because i always pictured you next to me during all the stages of my life. and i mean all the stages. it just feels fake now, like you are going through the motions because you feel bad for me or something. maybe thats not it, its just how it seems. i feel like im holding you back from moving on with your life, and im sorry. i love you, and if you want to spend time with other people, i want you to go. if not for you, for me. im always the one calling or trying to make plans, and i feel like i care a lot more and that im trying to hold this relationship up all on my own. it just hurts to much to keep going on like this. 4. i just want you to know that i always have your back. we may not hang out everyday or talk obsessively but we can always pick up right where we left off and i LOVE that about us. it always feels geniune and i know that we will have each other when things get rough. if you ever need me, you know my number. and i know yours. "i want to write something so attention seeking i wouldn't be speaking, i'd be showing you how i feel." you are my idol. 5. i love you. so much. theres something about you that i cant explain, but it just makes you different. ive never felt this way about anyone before and it makes me want to stay with you forever. at the same time though- i cannot stand you. and im mad at myself. we fight and we bitch and we moan and we complain so much. to each other and to our friends. and it doesnt make sense. people think we are insane. we are soooo unstable sometimes i dont know how we make it... but at the end of the day we are the most stable couple around. we can comfort each other when things are really horrible, but when things are good and we should be happy, thats when we fight. ITS INSANE. i hope the summer changes things. i miss what it was like when i first met you in the heart of summer. i miss how we would lay in the grass at brundage under the stars. i want that back. and im just afraid that if we cant work things out in the next few months, i'll be alone. i mean dont get me wrong, i can be alone. i can live without you. i just dont want to. i want you in my life.  |
